


Not Your Average Romeo and Juliet Story

by castironbaku



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, HideKaneWeek2k15, M/M, Some angst, kingdom au, lotsa fluff, prince!Hide x guard!Kaneki
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-12
Updated: 2016-07-12
Packaged: 2018-07-23 14:27:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 9,409
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7466865
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/castironbaku/pseuds/castironbaku
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for HideKaneWeek 2k15! Imported to AO3 bc of @hideyshi and also bc I've been wanting to for a while now.</p><p>—</p><p>A masquerade ball starts it all. A sky blue mask, golden hair, and a smile of stars. A pair of nervous grey eyes, pale cheeks, and shaky hands. Two people meet in the most unlikely of circumstances. The most unlikely of friendships forms under the looming storm clouds of war. Love doesn't seem very likely either.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Pleased To Make Your Acquaintance, Sire

**Author's Note:**

> HideKane Week Day 1: Introductions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a prince and a guard meet at a masquerade ball held by a third party

Kaneki was supposedly a part of His Majesty’s royal guard and even when he was dressed in the traditional militia garb and armed to the teeth with a rapier and two small pistols tucked beneath his arms, he still couldn’t feel like the term applied to him. He was scrawny and tiny compared to the others, which might be excusable considering that he was the newest member, but that didn’t make him feel any better. Pride demanded that he do his duty, however, and this sparkling night of nights was no different.

The captain of the guard was a man with a broad back and little time for smiling. He pulled Kaneki aside just as they were about to enter the glittering palace of the Pierrots. Kaneki ignored the way his heart jumped to his throat in panic when his superior looked at him with unreadable eyes.

“This is your first time outside, isn’t it?” Captain Yomo asked.

Kaneki answered with a shaky but vigorous nod.

“Alright. I’m sure you know that each one of us here has gone through what you’re going through now.” Yomo patted him twice on the back. “Don’t panic. If anything happens, go straight to me. Otherwise, keep an eye out for suspicious elements and if you notice anything strange, inform your partner Touka as quickly as you can. Is that understood?”

“Y-Yes, sir!” Kaneki saluted Yomo and the Captain nodded in acknowledgment.

Trumpets blared as they entered, announcing the arrival of His Majesty Yoshimura. Kaneki still felt like his heart and his stomach were performing acrobatics in tandem, but he didn’t have any other choice but to join Touka on the way inside. She elbowed him lightly and said nothing else, maintaining her stoic air the same way Koma, Irimi, Nishiki, and Yomo were. Kaneki sighed and hoped against hope that his forced poker face wasn’t sliding off every five seconds.

* * *

 The masquerade ball proceeded smoothly, despite Kaneki’s worst fears. He kept to his vantage point—one of the balconies that jutted from the wall, overlooking the ballroom proper. Touka was doing her rounds, like everyone else, and had placed him there more to get him out of the way than anything. He had to admit that it was a little boring to be up above everything. He felt detached and ostracized from the dazzling crowd swirling around the dance floor, chattering away beneath intricately designed masks and sipping sparkling champagne from clear glass. This was a feeling he was used to. He never felt like becoming a part of  _that_  world. He’d never belong, ratty orphan that he was.

He wasn’t sure how long he’d allowed himself to get swallowed up by reminiscences, but when someone sidled up to him, he felt his thoughts break off and he jumped in surprise, hands flying awkwardly to his rapier—movement that was more muscle memory than actual instinct.

Laughter greeted him, whole and hearty. “Hey, relax! I’m not here to kill anybody.”

Kaneki didn’t relax, but his eyes roved the new arrival. It was a young man, maybe about his age, and he wore a sky blue mask that concealed his eyes and nose but displayed his grin prominently.

 _A noble_ , Kaneki thought immediately, as he noted the mask. The stranger’s attire was a pristine white with gold buttons and vaguely mirrored Kaneki’s black militia uniform. In accordance with protocol, he let his hands fall to his sides and bowed.

“I-I apologize for intruding, sire,” he stammered slightly. “I was—um, I was just leaving…”

“What? You were? Aren’t you part of King Yoshimura’s royal guard?” When Kaneki shot up and stuttered something halfway between a “yes” and another “um,” the noble laughed. “I saw you come in. But, hey, d’you think you could help me out?”

Kaneki’s eyebrows drew together in confusion. “Help… you, sire?”

“Yeah!” The noble smiled then wagged a finger at him. “And stop calling me ‘sire.’ It’s Hide, you know. Just Hide. Just me.”

“ _Just_  you?” Kaneki returned Hide’s smile, just a little.

“Exactly. Now here’s what I want you to do.” Hide leaned forward and cupped his mouth with his hand. “Keep me company,” he said lowly.

“Keep you company?”

“Uh huh. I’m bored out of my mind.” Hide turned so that his back was to the marble railing. He let his elbows rest against it and leaned back, sighing. Kaneki felt his eyes linger on the blond hair that stuck up at all angles from Hide’s head. “Everyone downstairs is either lying to gain my trust or lying to lose it. Or they’re just lying, period. I won’t say I’m not used to it, because I am, but sometimes it gets a bit old.”

Kaneki wasn’t sure what to say, but he nodded. He understood what it felt like to be lied to and taken advantage of. That was how his parents had died. That was how he’d been left alone to fend for himself.

“What’s it like being part of the royal guard?” Hide asked abruptly, glancing at Kaneki. “Is it exciting? What do you do all day?”

Kaneki felt himself blushing under Hide’s gaze. He wasn’t used to anyone paying him this much attention. “N-Nothing much… We rotate shifts, keeping an eye on His Majesty. Some of us get to go with him on diplomatic missions, but I’ve always ever stayed back at the palace. I have a lot of free time, so I train if I can.”

Hide straightened and reached over to poke Kaneki in the arm. Both of them flinched back, but for completely different reasons.

“What was that for?” Kaneki demanded, embarrassed.

“Yeesh, those are some solid arms you’ve got,” Hide shook his head, impressed. “I wouldn’t have known it—you’re packing a lot under that uniform, aren’t you?”

“I… guess…? Um, sire—Hide, I’m supposed to be keeping an eye on my king, so if you would be so kind—”

“Okay, okay, I’ll go.” Hide flashed him a toothy grin. “But before I do, I just want to know your name.”

 _What a weird nobleman_ , Kaneki thought idly. “You can just call me Kaneki,” he said, biting back another “sire.”

“Gotcha. See you soon, ‘Neki!” Hide smiled at him one last time before ducking out of the narrow balcony.

Kaneki sighed as soon as Hide left.  _‘Neki_? he mouthed to himself. The first and only time Hide says his name and he’d even cut it in half and given him a nickname? Kaneki thought, clearly not for the first time, that he’d met a strange noble indeed.

The ball drew to a close at an hour past midnight. Touka returned to the balcony half an hour before most of the guests began to file out of the hall. By one o’ clock, King Yoshimura had piled into the carriage with Koma while the rest climbed onto their horses.

As they rode in silence, Kaneki kept his eyes trained on the passing silhouettes of trees. He wondered about Hide. Who was he? A noble, but of what class? Was he a lord? The son of a lord? He wanted to ask someone, but he doubted anyone on the guard would take his slacking on the job kindly. They took a brief stop halfway through so that the driver could relieve himself off the road.

“Did you like it?”

Kaneki looked up at Kaya, who’d drawn nearer without him noticing. “Huh?”

Beside him, Touka rolled her eyes. “The job,” she said. “Your first real job. She’s asking if you liked it.”

“I suppose… Why?”

Kaya pursed her lips. “I don’t know,” she admitted. “Something about you seems different somehow.”

“He isn’t pissing his pants anymore,” Nishiki said flatly.

Kaneki blushed. “I wasn’t  _that_  scared,” he muttered.

“But you aren’t anymore,” Kaya cut in before Nishiki could bully him any further and derail the conversation. “You’re more relaxed now. Did you realize something?”

“Not… really.” But even as he said so, he felt his thoughts settle on a sky blue mask and blond hair. A laughing smile and a poignant dislike of liars. “I just needed… to loosen up a bit, I think.”

Irimi nodded as Nishiki snorted.

Touka’s expression remained unchanged. “Well, good for you, champ,” she said. “You’ll need that.”

Kaneki didn’t fail to ignore how the air in the carriage suddenly felt much heavier than it did earlier that night.


	2. Can We Do This More Often?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> diplomatic meetings between kings and clandestine meetings between a prince and a guard

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HideKane Week Day 2: Spring

At the height of spring, Kaneki was setting off with Yomo, Nishiki, and Touka to accompany His Majesty on a meeting with King Tsuneyoshi. This was to be Kaneki’s first journey outside the palace since the masquerade ball two months prior. He viewed it with a special mix of optimism and apprehension.

Tsuneyoshi’s kingdom was south of Yoshimura’s and was a seven-hour carriage ride away. It was an agonizing ride by horse, and despite the numerous stops along the way, Kaneki could feel his muscles and bones complaining to him with a passion. They arrived at Tsuneyoshi’s palace by nightfall and after reviewing the night shifts and the palace layout, the royal guard members dispersed into their sleeping chambers—men separate from the women.

Hours later, with the sound of Koma’s and Nishiki’s snores ringing in his ears, Kaneki lay wide awake in bed, staring up at the ceiling. He laced his fingers over his stomach and tried counting sheep, but sleep refused to come to him. He knew it was important for him to get enough rest, or else his senses would be dulled by tomorrow, and yet he just couldn’t fall asleep. His nerves were still jittery—from excitement or fear, or both, he didn’t know. Eventually, he couldn’t stand it. He slipped out of bed as silently as he could and tiptoed toward the door. Before he placed a hand on the doorknob, however, he remembered what the captain told him:  _Never wander unarmed_.

He slunk back to grab his rapier by his bedside and managed to exit the room undetected. Once outside, he straightened. The night air was crisp, clear, and sharp, flooding his senses and filling him up with energy. He set off at a brisk pace with a map of the palace visible in his mind’s eye. He moved fast, but not too fast. He tried to keep his thoughts idle, but he was shaking from the thrill of what he was doing.

When he reached his destination, his hands trembled as he pressed them against aging wood. The library doors fell away from him with surprising ease. They groaned quietly, but not enough Kaneki worry about being heard. He stepped into the room and inhaled deeply.

Books. Everywhere.

The smell of parchment and of ink, of pages both old and new, of wooden bookcases and wax from lanterns—every smell Kaneki loved had him in its grasp. He felt his body relax but almost as soon as he did, he spotted a flicker of light from the corner of his eye. He froze.

Who could possibly be in the library at this hour?

Every instinct he had screamed at him to turn around and leave  _now_ , because if anyone found him here, he would very likely be taken off the royal guard and shoved into a horrible, horrible life as a farmer’s apprentice. But he was intrigued. Just  _who could possibly be here at this hour?_

He felt like he simply had to know, even if he ran the risk of being spotted. In any case, he could still run away. He’d escape and try to live a life in this kingdom as a refugee from his.

He tried to move as quietly as he could toward that flicker of light he’d seen. He didn’t have to travel far. Behind a bookshelf, surrounded by piles of books was a figure sprawled on the floor with a book on its face. Next to him was a lantern whose light was fading fast.

Kaneki frowned and drew closer. Soft snoring told him this person was asleep. He watched the scene with an odd fascination. Who was this? As if sensing the intensity of his curiosity, the figure shifted in its sleep and the book fell away from its face.

Kaneki inhaled sharply. It was… familiar. He had a feeling he  _knew_  who this was, but he just couldn’t put a name on that face.

The stranger groaned and scrunched up his face. He raised a hand to cover his face from the lantern light. Kaneki realized too late that he was about to wake up and backed away only to bump into a book case. He let out a quiet, “ow” but that was enough. The stranger woke completely, sitting up like he’d been kicked in his sleep. At first he seemed disoriented, but when his eyes wandered and fell on Kaneki, who’d felt himself freeze in place, the stranger grinned.

That was when Kaneki  _knew_.

“You’re Hide!” he blurted.

The blond chuckled and put a finger to his lips. “Shh! The palace ghosts’ll hear you.”

Kaneki narrowed his eyes at Hide, but when he spoke again, he spoke in a whisper. “You… What are you doing here? I thought you were a noble…”

“You were right… and also wrong.” Hide rummaged through his pockets and pulled out a long white object. A candle. He opened up the lantern and pressed the wick to the dying flame before placing the lit candle inside and closing the lantern again. In the candlelight, Hide’s hair looked like it was flickering too.

“I’m a noble, but I’m also not.”

Kaneki frowned.

Hide grinned. “Sit down, won’t you? Don’t just stand there, Kaneki.” When Kaneki settled down across him, he nodded in approval. Then his gaze fell to the lantern between them. “ _Technically_ , I’m a son of His Majesty here. But technically, I’m not.”

“Wait. You’re… Y-You’re a  _prince_?” Kaneki asked, bewildered.

“Ye-es, but like I said, only  _technically_ ,” Hide explained, his mouth twitching into a smile at Kaneki’s reaction. “I’m the kind of son you’d keep off the record.” Before this could sink in, he kept talking. “But anyway, isn’t this great? I told you I’d see you soon, right? Man, I wasn’t sure if you’d come, but here you are. My instincts have been on fire lately.”

“What are you doing in the library in the middle of the night?” Kaneki asked, slightly annoyed that Hide kept dodging important details.

“Reading,” Hide replied cheerily. “What else does anybody do in the library? That’s what  _you_  were going to do, right?”

“I was, but…” Kaneki had the strangest feeling that Hide wasn’t telling him the entire truth, but who was he to ask a  _prince_  what his midnight business in the library was? He was a mere guard. He had no place with the royalty, technical or no. He began to get on his feet.

“Hey, where are you going?” Hide asked, pouting. “You just got here.”

“My, um… My comrades might wake up and find out I left. I’ll get into a lot of trouble.”

“Then I’ll tell them I woke you up. Come on, ‘Neki, stay a while. Keep me company. Please?”

Somehow, Kaneki couldn’t find it in himself to refuse. He sat back down. “Okay, but just for a few minutes. I might get into serious trouble and get fired and turned into a farmer.”

“A farmer?” Hide’s expression turned distant and dreamy. “Wouldn’t  _that_  be nice though?”

“You’d  _want_  to be a farmer?” Kaneki stared at Hide. “You’re a prince. You don’t need to become a farmer.”

“I told you, I’m technically not a prince. I’m… maybe I’m a half-prince, or a ghost prince.”

“A ghost prince. You’re a ghost prince. But a prince is a prince. A farmer is a farmer. A prince is rich and a farmer is poor. You have no idea how hard it is being poor.”

“You’re right again,” Hide said, grinning. “I don’t. But that doesn’t mean I don’t want to.”

“ _Why?_ ” Kaneki shook his head. Nothing this prince was saying made sense.

“Because being  _technically_  anything is about the worst thing I know. You’re not one thing, you’re not the other. So then, what  _are_  you?” Hide’s grin faded a little around the edges. “I’d want to be a farmer—heck, I’d be  _anything_  if it means being able to tell someone that I know for sure what I am.”

Kaneki opened his mouth, then closed it. He was just a lowly guard. What could he say to a prince, even a  _ghost prince_ , that would hold any credibility? He looked down at his lap.

“My father was a bookbinder and my mother ran an apothecary,” he found himself saying. “When I was five, my father was killed by bandits on the road who tricked him into thinking they’d buy his services. My mother started giving money away to her sister because her sister tricked her into thinking that she needed the money more than we did. My mother got sick and died with I was nine. I got put in an orphanage and when I was fourteen, the royal guard recruited me. I’m still not sure if I’m fit to be one of them. In my mind, I’m still a hungry, miserable orphan, not a fearless soldier in a clean-cut uniform.” He paused, lacing his fingers together. “So I think I get what you’re saying. About not knowing what you are.”

For a long while, it felt like silence had sat in between them. It wasn’t an uncomfortable silence. Just… a contemplative one.

“You know, Kaneki,” Hide said slowly, “I think we can help each other.”

“What do you mean?”

“You”—Hide pointed at Kaneki—“and me”—next he pointed to himself—“don’t know who we are yet. So I’m thinking… Maybe we can stick together until we do?”

It was the sort of offer that, at this point in life, even Kaneki would be a bit leery of. Still, there was something about the earnest look in those brown eyes and that tiniest hint of something deeper within them. Something that resembled the hurt and loneliness that Kaneki himself knew well.

“Okay,” he said at last and were it only for the grin that Hide flashed at him, he didn’t regret it in the least.


	3. Dear,

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> letters from across the border

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HideKane Week Day 3: Summer

Kaneki looked forward to every letter. No one but he and Touka knew that he was writing to a Washuu prince. In the beginning, she’d given him an earful about it, threatening to burn the letters he got, because the Washuu’s weren’t to be trusted. But by that time, dozens of letters had been exchanged between them, and Kaneki had come to like Hide in a way that he’d never liked anyone before. Finally, Touka had relented and allowed him to keep the letters, instead warning him not to leak any important information to the prince, or else she’d “slit His Highness’s throat” herself.

He had replied that he would never do such a thing. After all, he’d come to regard Hide as an important friend who understood his pain more than anyone could. Only between the two of them could they share the insecurity of being the odd man out.

Hide had by now explained to Kaneki that he was one of the many illegitimate sons of King Tsuneyoshi. Unlike the rest of them, however, his mother had been a member of the palace staff and was therefore someone many knew well. When she became pregnant with Hide, it was impossible to conceal his existence, and rumors flew fast from within the kitchen to outside the palace gates. The king was forced to grudgingly acknowledge his “mistake,” and Hide was allowed to grow up in the palace. His mother, despite being healthy her whole life, mysteriously went ill and passed away before he really knew her. From then on, he’d had to endure the “princely treatment minus the love” (or so he called it). In some ways, it seemed like Hide had it harder than Kaneki.

Kaneki felt that he at least had comrades in the royal guard and His Majesty himself had taken an odd liking to him. At the very least, he felt liked to an extent. He still didn’t completely feel like he belonged, but the acceptance was very real and very much appreciated.

On the other hand, Hide wasn’t accepted. He was  _endured_. Kaneki knew his aunt had endured him and his mother for their money, but that was a long time ago. 

Eventually, as was inevitable, their letters began to mention the rising tensions between the Washuu kingdom and a rogue group of radicals called Aogiri Tree. Tsuneyoshi had already begun dropping hints of war early that summer, and now it was fast becoming apparent that he wasn’t joking.

Yoshimura’s kingdom, Anteiku, also had its own conflict with the Washuu’s, but these conflicts were kept beneath the table and at bay through Yoshimura’s near constant diplomatic meetings with Tsuneyoshi. Aogiri Tree was, as far as Kaneki was concerned, the Washuu’s business, not theirs.

The only problem with that was Hide’s being a Washuu himself. Kaneki worried that if war  _did_  break out, Hide would get caught up in the crossfire. When he mentioned this in a letter, Hide replied so quickly it was jarring.

_Dear Kaneki,_

_Don’t you worry about me! I know my way around a sword, too, you hear? I’ll be just fine. I’m more worried about_ you _. The royal guard has to fight off assassins and take bullets for the king. War is something you can see coming, if you know how to look for it. Assassins are something else. They’re paid to_ not _be seen. Promise me you won’t die, Kaneki. Not until we both know who we are. Promise me, ‘kay?_

_Sincerely,_

_Hide_

It was characteristically short and straightforward, but without the occasional sidetracking that Hide’s letters usually did. He must have been thinking about this letter carefully. Kaneki decided to return the favor.

_Dear Hide,_

_I promise I won’t die before we find out who we are, don’t panic. I’ve been wondering lately, why you decided to approach me during the spring masquerade ball. I know it was coincidence and maybe I’m just reading into things a little too much, but maybe there was some other reason? I’ve been trying to figure out what I really am for so long, and suddenly you come along, offering me the way to an answer, just like that. Sometimes I ask myself if it could’ve been anyone else in that balcony that you talked to. It’s probably unfair of me to suspect this, but to be honest with you, I’m really glad you’ve become my friend. You’ve given me a place to be, even without being here. I’m really glad for that. Thank you._

_Sincerely,_

_Kaneki_

In the two weeks it took for Hide to answer, Kaneki waited anxiously. He paced the room he shared with Nishiki and Koma at night, until they complained about it and forced him back into his bed. He spaced out when sparring with Touka and got clocked full-force in the jaw with a punch she was expecting him to dodge. Later that day, as he tried to eat his dinner without wincing, the letter arrived.

Hide’s letter was as battered and old-looking as usual, because no one really suspected ugly things like that to be written by the prince of a neighboring kingdom. And yet what other people regarded with disgust and wrinkled noses, he found to be a beautiful thing. It warmed his heart more than any vegetable stew ever could.

He pored over the letter’s contents that night by candlelight, once he was sure Nishiki and Koma were asleep.

_Dear Kaneki,_

_You know, you always ask the questions I don’t have an answer to. I don’t know why I went up to you that day. I don’t know why it was you, of all people. I don’t know if it_ had _to be you. I don’t know a lot of things, but there’s one thing I do: it was you, Kaneki. It wasn’t anyone else. It was_ you _. And even if it hadn’t been you, I wouldn’t be writing this right now. I told you, right? You and I don’t know who or what we are. So far, everything I’ve guessed about you has been spot-on. I knew my father and your king would have another peace treaty talk so I guessed I would be seeing you again. I guessed that you were a nice guy and I sort of guessed you would understand me. So then let me guess something else: you’re going to help me figure_ me _out. That’s what you’re going to do. That’s what_ I’m _going to do for_ you _. And yeah, that’s what friends are for._

_Sincerely,_

_Hide_

_P.S. You’re the first and only friend I have ever made_ ever _so remember that when you fight assassins someday! You’ve got a friend to go back to, so don’t let yourself die!_

Friends.

The word had been experimental to Kaneki before, when he’d first wrote it to Hide. He’d never even used it to describe the other members of the royal guard. They were something closer to comrades-in-arms than anything. But a friend… Somehow, Hide didn’t fully fit that description either.

There was something about Hide that made him both a friend and something else entirely. Kaneki wondered what that was. Even as he blew out the candle and went to bed, pushing the letter beneath his pillow, he wondered.

What is more than a friend?


	4. If We Could Just Stay Like This

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> war drops its question mark and in its destructive path stand two boys who just want to know who they are

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HideKane Week Day 4: Autumn

When King Tsuneyoshi finally declared all-out war on Aogiri, nobody was surprised. Preparations had been under way for months. Weapons had been stockpiled, regiment after regiment trained, nonperishables and water piled high behind military walls. Communications between Tsuneyoshi and Yoshimura had grown more frequent and, in accordance with the treaty, the latter had agreed to provide a fair amount of soldiers, arms, and supplies.

Just as mid-autumn came to settle upon both kingdoms, Hide and Kaneki were to be found out on the castle grounds, their backs against a tree. Leaf after golden leaf fluttered to the grass around them, catching the shafts of sunlight that pushed through the canopy overhead. They sat next to each other in silence.

Without saying a single word, they both already knew that this was going to be the last time they would see each other in a long while. With travel between the two kingdoms growing more dangerous by the hour, it was only a matter of time before the thread of communication that connected the two of them would be severed and lost. Hide would have to stay in his kingdom and Kaneki in his.

There was a question on the tip of his tongue, but Kaneki didn’t want to say it aloud. Asking it would give the words body and life. Asking it would be akin to acknowledging it. Acknowledging the End.

“What colors do you see, ‘Neki?”

Kaneki was too dispirited by the thought of their impending separation to do much else but glance at the blond prince. “Color…?”

“Yeah. The leaves, the grass, the sky. What colors do you see?”

Kaneki couldn’t fathom the reason behind Hide’s question, but it would’ve been rude not to say anything. “Um, yellow, I suppose,” he said slowly. “Orange, red… Blue.”

Hide nodded with each color he said. “Makes sense. It’s autumn, after all. Only natural that we’d see that.”

“Hide, I don’t get what you’re trying to say.”

“Ahh, yeah, I guess I’m being a bit vague.” Hide chuckled. “I just wanted to get to some sorta point but I think I went off-track along the way.” He leaned back against the tree trunk and let out a long, loud, exaggerated sigh. “You should know this then: I don’t see any of that when I’m not with you. Colors, I mean. It’s only when I read your letters or when I’m with you that everything has color. That’s the truth.”

It took Kaneki three full minutes to digest what Hide had said. When he finally did, he felt blood rush to his face. “H-Hide, what the he—”

The prince leaned over and pressed his lips against the corner of Kaneki’s mouth. “My life doesn’t have color without you, ‘Neki. That’s how it is.” He grinned sheepishly. “That’s how it’ll always be. I hope.”

Kaneki knew he was blushing enough for steam to be pouring out of his ears but there was nothing he could do but stare and blubber things that  _seemed_  like words but were more likely incoherent nothings.

Hide bit back his laughter and let out yet another sigh before collapsing on the grass and sprawling out on his back. “ _God_  am I relieved!” he said loudly at the sky. “I thought you’d kick me in the balls or punch me in the face for doing that.”

Kaneki gaped at him, trying to figure out if he was mad or embarrassed or… happy? Was he? Could he be? How could he be happy about… about  _this_?

 _How could you_ not _be_? A voice in his head teased.  _You know how you feel._

Of course he knew. He’d been trying to ignore it for  _ages_. How utterly  _embarrassing_  it was to be… to be  _in love_  with a prince! And a prince of a neighboring kingdom, no less! It was a crime. It was forbidden. He was but a lowly guard. He didn’t need or deserve to have feelings like these in his heart and on his mind. But looking at Hide now… It was like his heart and his mind were purposefully ignoring what his sense of duty dictated.

“I… wouldn’t punch you,” he muttered.

Hide raised his head, smiling. “Really? Why not? ‘Cause you liked it?”

Kaneki blushed and looked down at his lap. “M-Maybe.”

The prince scrambled upright. “ _What_?” he spluttered. “A-Are you serious? You liked that? You were okay with that? You don’t hate me or anything? Really?”

“N-No! I’d never hate you! And… And especially not… for… that…” Hide was inches away and Kaneki had his back pressed against the tree trunk. “I-I-I-I—”

“You what?” Hide prodded. 

“I, um, I might… I could… I’m probably…”  _Probably head over heels for you_.

Maybe Hide read it in his eyes or maybe Kaneki said it aloud without noticing because the blond drew back a little, dazed, blush dusting his cheeks. This time,  _he_  was the one blubbering and Kaneki was the one smiling. Kaneki didn’t even know  _how_  he was smiling, but somehow, seeing the prince so flustered was doing things to him that he couldn’t quite understand.

“I… Me too!” Hide blurted at last. “I’m—I’m in love with you, too, Kaneki. Not since we first met, no, but along the way… Getting to know you… The way you phrase things, the way you get excited over books… The way your handwriting gets all cramped when you get worked up over something… Somewhere along the way, I fell in love. I’m in love with you, Ken Kaneki. I love you. I really… really…”

“Hide…” Kaneki said, reaching out to touch the blond’s cheek. “Why do you sound like that?” 

“Like what?”

“Like you’re never going to see me again.”

Hide blinked, then smiled. “I’m just overwhelmed, is all. I’m really happy, Kaneki. Really, I am.”

Kaneki smiled, too, but an odd feeling nagged at him, tugging at his gut. Something was wrong. Something was wrong about Hide’s smile.

Why did it look so… fake?

* * *

It was in the midst of delivering a message to the front for His Majesty that Kaneki was kidnapped.

The men told him they were from Aogiri and the man who led them… His gaze sent shivers down Kaneki’s spine. They called him Jason and he was apparently in charge of interrogation.

Whatever that meant…

Whatever the crazed look in Jason’s eyes showed…

Somehow, Kaneki understood why Hide had been so afraid of never seeing him again.


	5. To See You Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the cell is small and cold but not nearly as cold as Kaneki feels

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HideKane Week Day 5: Winter / Reunion

Jason’s interrogation methods were nothing short of… horrific.

Kaneki hung for days on end from a thick wooden beam that ran the width of a narrow rectangular room beneath the ground. He wasn’t sure where it was exactly because when he’d been kidnapped, he’d been knocked unconscious with a blow to the head. He’d woken up here, stripped completely of all his clothes and dangling by his wrists three or four inches off the ground. At some vague point, his feelings of humiliation at being stark naked before Jason and his accomplice, a man named Nico, had vanished only to be replaced by fear and pain so deeply entrenched within the confines of his mind and body that he began to doubt the limits of his own capability to suffer.

Just how much pain did one have to suffer before their body succumbed and died? Just how many times would he have to endure lashes with thorny whips? Just how many hundreds of skin-deep cuts doused in urine and lemon juice did he have to bite down on his tongue for?

How many fingernails and toenails did he need to give up? How many fingers? How many toes?

Was Jason going to gouge out his other eye too? Was Jason going to forcibly dislocate his knee today or would it be his shoulder?

Minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, maybe even  _years_  passed this way. Kaneki had no way of knowing. He was too busy caught up in a cycle of pain, pain, pain, pain,  _pain_. Excruciating.  _Pain_.

And yet he did not yield. Not once. He held on, steadfast, and bit back the answers that were scratching at his Adam’s apple. The answers that he knew would save him a world of suffering and win him a place in the afterlife as a traitor.

There was no escape, so why would he need to answer Nico’s questions? What sort of incentive was there? None. There was none. All he wanted was for it all to end. For his body to throw in the towel and give.

But his body was just as stubborn as he was. It clung to life with a desperation that disgusted its owner. Every scream that ripped free of his chest wasn’t directed at Jason or even at no one in particular. They were all meant for his body. He was screaming no longer because of the pain but because he simply wanted his body to surrender.

He asked himself why so many times that he started taking the three-letter word apart in his brain and picking it clean to the bone. Why? Why?  _Why?_   _W…h…y…?_

It took a while for the answer to surface through the haze of muddled thoughts and memories and sensations. When it finally did, Kaneki thought he was going to die for sure because the answer was a glimpse of heaven, a taste of sunshine, and a familiar warmth blossoming on the corner of his mouth.

_H…i…d…e…_

Drenched in his own blood, vomit, urine, and feces, in a body broken beyond what was salvageable, he wanted his last breath to be one that counted. He was weak when he first entered, still weak now, but he…

 _My life doesn’t have color without you, ‘Neki_.  _That’s how it is._

That’s how it was.

When Jason entered for the forty-fifth time—for the thirty-second time  _alone_ —Kaneki wanted to make sure it would be the last time. He’d been thinking about this moment, planning it with a precision and meticulousness that, deep down, truly frightened him.

But that didn’t matter. All that mattered now was that he got this right.

Jason approached, a malevolent glint in his eye and a vicious smile. He raised his pliers. Launched into a sort of monologue.

Kaneki stared at him, unseeing. Feeling. Waiting. Jason had a tendency to draw closer whenever he talked at length like this. He let his guard down, got distracted, made a thousand openings. Kaneki waited, pulse racing, adrenaline leaking into his bloodstream like poison.

Wait… Wait…  _Wait_ …

The moment came. Kaneki drew back and kicked Jason’s pliers out of his hand. The man reacted half a second slower than he normally would, taken by surprise. That half second was all Kaneki needed to use the chains joining his ankles to hook Jason in by the neck from behind. He crossed his legs, crossing the chains, pain lancing through his wrists, arms, and shoulders at the strain. Jason clawed at him, at the chain, but adrenaline made Kaneki’s legs strong as steel, if only for a minute.

Kaneki tightened the deadly noose and loosened it only when two minutes had passed since Jason went limp. Then his legs gave out beneath him and he let them fall. Jason’s chin caught on the chain on the way down. Kaneki winced at the burn of exhaustion in his thighs and legs, but it was of little consequence. He needed to use this chance while he could.

He began to twist his wrists out of the manacles. It hurt. Very much so. The flesh on his wrists was bleeding anew when he finally slipped free and dropped heavily to his feet. His legs nearly collapsed beneath his weight, but somehow he held on. He held on.

_I’m in love with you, Kaneki._

He staggered to the table that held all of Jason’s torture equipment. He grabbed the knife Jason had used to take out his left eye and padded, barefoot to the door. He knew there was a guard outside, but something kept him from being afraid. Was it his military training?

_Getting to know you… The way you phrase things, the way you get excited over books…_

He easily incapacitated the guard from behind. He took the man’s clothes.

_The way your handwriting gets all cramped when you get worked up over something…_

Luckily, the guard’s uniform included a hooded cloak. He pulled the hood up over his head, concealing his face in shadow. He walked with purpose. Not too slow. Not too fast. Yet despite this, he encountered next to no one as he made his way through the labyrinthine tunnels underground that he understood to be Aogiri’s headquarters. Perhaps if he turned that way, he’d find an exit…

But never mind that right now. He had one goal. One mantra. One lasting vision. He didn’t want to die before seeing it through.

_Somewhere along the way…_

Kaneki knocked a young man unconscious. He looked to be a new recruit. He had a map of Aogiri in his pocket. Using it, Kaneki located the ammunition and weapons stockpile with relative ease. After putting down the two guards on duty, he ducked inside and set the room aflame.

Just as Kaneki stepped out of the inferno, he could hear men shouting and running from all around him. He closed his eyes, held his breath as Aogiri soldiers swarmed around him.

_I fell in love._

* * *

“You aren’t allowed to see him, Your Annoyingness,” Touka insisted hotly, hands on her hips and barring the entryway to Kaneki’s room.

The blond prince ran both hands through his hair. It had grown a bit too long for his taste, but he could hardly care at the moment. “But it’s been  _five months_!” he moaned. “I’m… Okay, I hate using this card, but I’m a  _prince_! I demand to see my best friend!”

Touka narrowed her eyes at him. “Not around here, you’re not. Go away. Leave him alone. If he sees you—” She trailed off, biting the inside of her cheek. “Anyway, he doesn’t want to see you.”

“No way,” Hide cried. “That’s not… He wouldn’t…” He wrung his hands helplessly. “Kaneki… He’s… I just… want to see him, that’s all. Please, Touka. Please. I have to see him. I have to tell him something.”

Touka pursed her lips, her eyes reflecting emotions that the prince understood well. She crossed her arms, but it seemed more like she was trying to hug herself. “He’s… Well, he’s different now. And you’ve probably heard that he doesn’t stick around very often anymore. He’s  _changed_  so much. I  _hate_  it,” she ended in an angry hiss. Then she looked up at Hide. “And much as I hate to admit it, you’re probably the only one who can save him now.”

Hide said nothing, but as their gazes met, their eyes exchanged words they didn’t have to say aloud.

“Where is he, Touka?” he asked quietly. “Where is he now?”

She closed her eyes and let out a long sigh. “Southern border. He has his own group now. Still works for His Majesty, but he has his own agendas, I think.” She glanced at Kaneki’s door and a somber look haunted her expression.

“Thank you,” the blond said sincerely.

She turned back to him. “No,” she said. “Thank  _you_.”

* * *

Five months and two weeks of separation had taken their toll, but Kaneki had managed to convince himself for a while that it was all well and good. Hide… Hide would hate to see him now, the repulsive and twisted-beyond-salvageable thing that he was with his chalk-white hair and missing eye. His sallow cheeks and tormented mind. His left hand three fingers short. One shoulder never put back right.

He was disgusting, appalling. A horrendous sight, if there ever was.

So why was Hide smiling like that?

Why?

W…h…y…?

The prince strode forward, his pristine white uniform stained by days on horseback, days of loneliness, days of grief. Kaneki was rooted in place, unable to make a sound, unable to make a move. He didn’t have to. Hide took him into his arms.

“Kaneki,” the blond sighed into his ear. “Please… Let’s go home…”


	6. All Hail!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the Washuu’s have a new king

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HideKane Week Day 6: Celebration / Coming of Age

“Your cravat’s messy.”

“Huh? It is?”

“So is your hair.”

“What? But I brushed it five minutes ago…”

“Your coat is on backwards.”

“Oh, shi— _hey_ , now you’re just messing with me, aren’t you, ‘Neki?”

Kaneki smirked, rolling his eyes heavenward as he adjusted the cuffs of his sleeves. “I wasn’t kidding about your hair though,” he said. “It still looks like a chicken laid eggs in it.”

Hide pouted. “Well, that’s  _your_  fault,” he whined. “My back’s still aching, just so you know. Even though I told you to hold back because of today…”

Kaneki felt himself blush. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I couldn’t help it… It’s just… Two weeks is a little…”

The blond sidled up behind him and pressed a kiss against his earlobe. “Yeah, I know,” he laughed breathily. “I never said I didn’t like it.”

Kaneki tilted his face and caught Hide’s bottom lip between his teeth, drawing the blond into a long kiss he probably wasn’t supposed to, not right now, not when there was still—

There were two sharp knocks on the door. “Your Highness Hideyoshi, it’s time.”

The two of them pulled apart reluctantly. “I’ll come out in a minute,” Hide called before turning back to Kaneki and leaning forward for another kiss.

Kaneki held up a hand to stop him. “No, no more. Not until after the coronation.”

“Aww… Not even a little bit?”

“No,” he said firmly. “You’re about to become a king in less than an hour. You should start acting like it.”

Hide pouted again. “Just because I’m going to be a king doesn’t mean I can’t kiss you… C’mon, Kaneki, just one more?”

Kaneki shook his head.

“For good luck?”

“No, Hide.”

“So I don’t mess up my lines?”

“No.”

“What if I trip over my feet thinking about it?”

“Hide…”

“Pretty please?”

Oh, how could Kaneki resist? He’d never been strong against temptation. Not really. Ever since their late winter reunion little more than three years ago, Kaneki had been struggling to control himself, but if there was anything besides nightmares that captivity had left him with, it was a near insatiable greed.

In the midst of a particularly long and heated kiss that was likely to have led to more, the servant outside knocked on the door again. Kaneki pulled away rather forcefully this time, more to stop himself than to stop Hide. The prince mumbled a short, “aw, man…” before adjusting his ceremonial uniform again and striding toward the door.

He opened it wide and stepped through, Kaneki a mere two paces behind him.

* * *

The topic of Hide’s coronation was a controversial one. Most of the kingdom’s inhabitants knew him to be the bastard son of their king and never expected him to amount to more than that. But during the war against Aogiri, he had apparently proven himself to be a valiant, noble, and intelligent warrior beyond his years. Something had changed within him, the servants whispered. Something just beneath that smile, simmering beneath the surface.

Tsuneyoshi had stepped down from his throne unexpectedly last summer and had vanished mysteriously. He’d left only his will and testament, assuring his sons that he wasn’t dead, but wandering, searching for something. The will dictated the next successor to the throne. Hide.

Naturally, his relatives—the  _actual_  successors to the throne, Yoshitoki and his son, Matsuri—didn’t take this lying down. Over the course of a year, they’d set up a national army to usurp the “fake” successor. However, thanks to Yoshimura’s help, Hide’s allies were able to quell the rebellion and send the father and son off to who-knows-where.

Kaneki had been the head of the anti-rebellion.

Standing guard now, to one side of the altar, he swept his gaze over the grandeur of the church and the hundreds of spectators seated within. Tsukiyama was watching over the west side, Banjou on the east. Hinami sat above, with the choir. The others were scattered amongst the audience.

Although they had people tracking Yoshitoki and Matsuri up north, one could never be completely sure. Kaneki wasn’t going to let  _anyone_  touch a hair on Hide’s head. He would never,  _ever_  let anything like what happened to him, happen to the blond. Not on his worthless life.

The coronation didn’t take very long, but Kaneki let himself stare a bit more than he ought to when Hide got down on his knees before the robed priest after uttering his vows of allegiance and acceptance of responsibility. Kneeling there, long red cape trimmed with gold draped around his shoulders, Hide was crowned not by the priest but by the sun itself. Light was flooding through the stained glass windows above the altar, bathing the prince in a mix of colors, with white and gold being the most prominent. His face glowed with both innate light and sunlight. In that moment, as the prince—no, the  _king_  rose to greet his people, Kaneki felt his heart stutter in his chest.

_My life doesn’t have color without you, ‘Neki._

Be that as it may…

Kaneki felt the power of the scene unfolding before him. The sheer magnitude of it. Hide’s back, straight. His shoulders, broad. His smile warm, yet with a clear depth. His eyes, determined but cheery as always.

Hide was a king now.

But he was still Hide.

Kaneki brushed away the tears before they slid down his cheeks. He couldn’t cry.

He was happy. So happy. And proud.

So he smiled.

For the first time in three years, he felt like some weight had been lifted off his chest.

And when he smiled, he knew he meant it more now than he ever did.

 _Your life doesn’t have color without me, Hide._  
But mine doesn’t have light without yours.  
Thank you.  
Thank you.  
I love you.


	7. Until Forever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _I do._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HideKane Week Day 7: Future Prospects / ANYTHING GOES!

_4 years later_

“No, not… yet…”

Touka spewed her coffee. Very unladylike of her, but neither she nor Kaneki really cared anyway. They were undercover today, acting on Yoshimura’s request to collect information concerning a certain group he was worried about. The Pierrots, the one who had arranged that masquerade ball that seemed to have taken place hundreds of years ago. In reality, it had only been eight years since he and Hide first met.  
Kaneki was under the guise of Haise Sasaki, a travelling book enthusiast, and Touka was his “wife.” This of course, came up as a topic of conversation as they ate at a tiny village inn near the eastern border.

Kaneki sighed and handed Touka a napkin. “Don’t react like that,” he said. “People are going to stare.”

“I’m going to react how I want to react,” she said brusquely. Then her expression softened. “But really? He still hasn’t…?”

Kaneki shook his head. “No.” He began to feel a little dejected, but shook himself out of it quickly enough. “I mean! I know he’s busy running the kingdom, so it’s only natural that he wouldn’t have the time to think about things like…” His voice lowered to a murmur. “… Marriage…” He paused. “And then there’s the people’s reaction to think about. What would I be if I… if we… Well, my point is, there can’t be more than one king.”

Touka’s eyebrows knitted together and she reached out to pat Kaneki on the shoulder. “It’ll be alright, K—Haise,” she quickly corrected herself. “Hide may be a good, smart guy, but he’s just as dorky as you are. I think he’s just spent the past four years just trying to figure out how to pop the question.”

Kaneki nodded, but his mind was elsewhere, imagining himself down on one knee, asking Hide for his heart in all its entirety…  
He sighed. Even though he’d told himself a thousand times before, he was still entertaining the thought of just doing it himself, if Hide wouldn’t. He kept forgetting his place. Though he was no longer part of Yoshimura’s royal guard and was now more or less a hired hand but mostly Hide’s personal bodyguard-slash-lover, he was still just Ken Kaneki. He wasn’t noble. He wasn’t royal. According to the law, he wasn’t supposed to be the one proposing. The king was the one who did that sort of thing.

But somehow, Kaneki couldn’t help but think that the law was for the weak-willed.

* * *

Three weeks later, Kaneki was standing in his room, clutching a little black box in his hand. He hadn’t known what had possessed him to buy it. The ring. It was a cheap thing, a metal alloy painted with the thinnest layer of gold. It was worth more than three months’ worth of his salary.

It was worth more than his own heart.

He pressed the box to his chest and took deep, calming breaths. Imagined asking Hide one more time. Imagined the look of shock on the blond’s face and his inevitable teary grin. Ohh, how he wanted to see that…

 _Tomorrow_ , he thought determinedly.  _It’s been eight years. I’ll ask him tomorrow._

* * *

Rarely did Hide have the free time to spare to spend with Kaneki, but when he did, he allowed for nothing else to interrupt them. He shed everything that was expectation of him, he shed that stoicism he had to have to inspire his people. He became happier, lighter, younger, whenever he was with the man he loved more than anything in the world. Kaneki knew that well, because he felt the exact same way.

Today was one of Hide’s rare free days and Kaneki vowed he wouldn’t let it go to waste. Just as they stepped out of Hide’s study, he blurted Hide’s name just as Hide blurted his. They both blinked and stared at each other, then laughed.

“Go ahead,” Kaneki said, smiling.

“No,  _you_  go,” Hide laughed. “Really. You said my name a split second before I said yours.”

Kaneki wanted to argue, but he reminded himself that he couldn’t waste this opportunity. “Hide, I want to ask you something.”

The blond arched an eyebrow. “Yeah?”  
This was it. He took a deep breath and—  
“Wait!” Hide held up both hands in front of Kaneki’s face. “Hold that thought! I want to show you something before you say anything. I’m really sorry, I just… It’ll be real quick, I promise.”

“O-Oh…” Kaneki did his best not to look as crestfallen as he felt. “Yeah, sure.”

Hide eyed him apologetically, but then took him by the hand and led him down the halls. They went down a familiar path. Kaneki knew it well, but why was Hide…?

They stopped at the tall doors carved from dark wood. Hide paused, cast Kaneki a furtive smile, before pushing them open.

What Kaneki saw caught him by surprise. The heavy shelves had been pushed to either side, making room in the middle for a single table and an odd contraption atop it. It looked something like a box with the end of a trumpet sticking out from it. For some reason, it struck Kaneki as familiar.

“Is that…?” he began, but Hide was already leading him to the table at the center of the room.

“A gramophone!” The blond king confirmed proudly, standing over it. “I found out about it and asked the inventors if I could borrow one of their working prototypes. I borrowed one of their records too.” He bent over the gramophone and frowned. “Okay… I put the record on… Like this… And then the needle goes on over… here!” The moment the needle touched the grooves on the large black disc, the sound of violins drifted lazily out of the trumpet-like mouth of the gramophone.

Kaneki was truly mesmerized. He really, really was. But he was still just a bit disappointed. He opened his mouth to comment, but Hide was holding out his hand to him.

“Hide?” he asked warily. “What’s this about?”

“We’ve gone to a million balls together,” Hide said. “But you’re always on the lookout for assassins and I’m always on the lookout for the nearest exit. We’ve never gotten a dance in, have we?”

Kaneki had to admit it: Hide was good. Good at roping him into things like this. He let himself be led by the hand to the center of the room, just half a meter away from the gramophone. The music surrounded them. Hide put Kaneki’s hand on his waist. Trumpets warbled. Their fingers interlaced. The cello sang a mellow undertone. Their feet felt like they were stepping on air.

Kaneki laughed as Hide led the waltz. The king was light on his feet and he laughed too. Infectious, beautiful laughter—warm like home. Kaneki closed his eyes as they drew close together. He rested his forehead against Hide’s shoulder and for a while, they stayed that way.

Kaneki felt Hide’s hand pull away from his only to return, fiddling with his fingers.

Then, suddenly, something sliding onto his ring finger.

His heart stopped.

He shot up and raised his hand to his eyes.

There it was. Glittering, gold, true.

A ring.

“Hide…” he breathed. “You…”

The blond cleared his throat and Kaneki looked up at him. The king looked nervous, with his red cheeks and forced seriousness. “I… I know this took a while,” he said slowly, “but I’ve been trying and failing, thinking of just the right way to ask you for the biggest thing I have ever and will ever ask of you, as your lover and as your best friend. I… just really wanted to do this  _right_. And… um… now… Here I am, asking you if… If you’d be willing to make me the happiest man alive?”

Kaneki’s breath caught in his throat and he felt like he couldn’t breathe or speak. Tears stung his eyes. Then he remembered what lay in his pocket. He reached inside and pulled out the box, fumbling with it a little. He held it up for Hide to see.

“I will,” Kaneki said, beaming, “if you do the same for me.”

And the smile Hide showed him at that moment was brighter and warmer than any ray of sunshine he had ever witnessed, ever felt on his skin, ever dreamt about in his mind.

“Yes,” Hide said, breathless. “God,  _yes_ , Kaneki.”

Suddenly, Kaneki felt like they’d been thrown back in time, to that one moment when they’d met, purely by chance, on a balcony in the middle of a masquerade ball.

To that one moment when a noble had flashed him a smile and said, “Keep me company.”

Now here they were, in each other’s arms and all Kaneki could think was,  _I’ll keep you company, Hide. From now until forever_.


End file.
